this grieving heart

When I knew her time was coming, I made a commitment to stay present to the experience. I wanted to move through this instance as consciously as possible. My mom has always been a very influential person in my life, and the idea of losing her was one of my recurring nightmares when I was a little girl, so intimately I have been preparing myself for her passing for a while.

In the beginning, the practice was very simple. I could only return to my mat after saying goodbye to my brother and cousins and travelling back home to Montreal. I was only able to lie on the floor or rest in Child’s Pose, but it was the only place where I could truly open up to my emotions and feel compassion for my loss. I was finally giving myself permission to cry and to feel the pain of not being able to see someone I love again.

It was then that I realized I was grieving in the same honest and authentic way I had as a child when I lost my grandmother. During difficult political and economic times, she had been one of those who openly showed me love.

It felt as if time disappeared. Across decades, there I was again — a six-year-old facing the pain of separation. The same sensation of lying on the floor without consolation…

I have come to feel that grief is a powerful and shared human experience, and that its energy can be deeply transformative.

Yoga does not take the pain away, but it gives me a space to connect, to heal, and to continue growing.

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